Life in Lockdown: Tuesday w/Emma Houston
Emma is raising funds for anti-racist education in schools for Show Racism the Red Card. You can donate here.
A Week in My Mind
Alright people, it’s day two! Imagining I am currently emceeing in a large packed out venue shouting over loud music to the sound of rapturous cheering. How good it’s going to feel to be around people again.
So I left you (assuming at least ONE person is reading this) in the heap of my corona crisis yesterday. I definitely felt my anxiety ramp up a bit writing it. I took you to the worst moments, the moments where I felt like I was in a lot of danger.
So effectively, the turning point. The point where my intuition was talking to me, plain as day, telling me to keep going on my path. To keep standing up for what is right and being more vocal. More helpful. More revolutionary. The word MORE was the most important part of all of this. DO MORE. In that moment self-doubt fell away, (which is something that often comes up for me [ particularly when I do stand up for things then afterwards I wonder if I’ve done it all wrong, and a lot of the time I do get it wrong]) all the external noise didn’t mean anything any more: time stood still. I reckon that’s what you call an epiphany... That was a really messy sentence, it’s been a long time since I was at school.
Back to that moment… This isn’t about me. It was never about me. This is about my contribution to the world. I think in that moment, I deeply understood for the first time what the meaning of legacy is. The first time I thought I knew what legacy meant was when Kenrick Sandy (Boy Blue) talked about it a few years ago in a rehearsal. (Yes Ken, I’m talking about you again. Ken is a living example of legacy. In ALL that he does. I think I should just make my whole blog about Ken. I don’t even know if you can be a living example of legacy but there you go. That’s how great Ken is). Now, you can understand things at a certain level of thinking and think you know what the thing is. Like, I was like, oh sh** yeah, legacy, I get it now. A few years ago. Then, in that moment, I understood it again on a whole new level. I guess that’s what life is. Re-understanding things on new levels every day.
So, bla bla, had an epiphany, slowly but surely was on the road to recovery (potato waffles in the toaster you are my best friend): weeks go by. I was surprised and thrilled at still having a 6 pack 3 weeks later. I am not so thrilled now, 3 months later. Anyway, when I started feeling good again, I decided to assemble a home gym out the front (by the bins). The one lucky thing about corona was I couldn’t smell anything (still can’t properly smell, everything smells like ginger, its weird) so therefore the bin situation didn’t bother me. Just to clarify the one lucky thing was not that I lost my sense of smell, but that I couldn’t smell the bins. It actually sucks so bad not being able to smell.
I also rolled out some smooth lino in my bedroom for Breaking practice. I am SO glad I have that lino. I took classes with Kayla Lomas Kirton and Simeon Campbell from Birdgang. I highly recommend learning from them. They are amazing. I did a writing session with Rupi Kaur (thanks Tali) and drew some pictures of my girlfriend that I had on my phone. Not quite titanic. There’s still time.
I turned my room into a haven of knowledge (I have ordered SO many books and a diffuser) and I even started doing yoga sessions on youtube. WHO AM I. Pity my cognitive function is impaired with this virus. I should have got audible. I am currently reading a book called ‘The Body Keeps The Score.’ It’s a neuroscientist’s insight into how trauma is stored in the body, how the body responds to trauma, and how trauma is passed down to us. It’s really interesting, I’d recommend. Big ups my physio Katy Chambers for the recommendation. If you ever need a physio, Katy is the one. She’s a genius!
Okay, I really am aware I am not doing ‘a day in the life of’ at all. I am not fulfilling the brief, at all.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be better.
I’ll leave you with this for today - Seeing as we’ve had the luxury of some beautiful weather, I’ve taken to sitting on the front step of a morning. To be honest, a lot of the time that’s all I had the energy to do some days. I would sit on the kids sun chair I bought from B&Q a number of months ago. People may cuss that chair, but I actually bring it inside the house to sit on. I prefer it to regular chairs. Anyway, the chair has been sinking into the concrete. The cement? The sinking surface? Well, nobody knows what our steps are made of now. So here’s a visual diary of my coronavirus recovery, in the form of chair marks on our front step. You can’t tell me that’s not creative. ;)
Corona impairs cognitive function. FYI.